Am I Going Through a Mid-Life Crisis?
Where’s my sports car and tattoo?
I’ve already got the tattoo!
The mid-life crisis.
It's a term you hear tossed around quite casually as if it's not real. It's often joked about with the trope of men buying fast cars and even quicker motorcycles while arranging a year-long trip around Europe!
For me, it’s an unexpected reality that’s hitting hard and it's not imaginary.
My present life in a nutshell: my wife is about to graduate, my kids are growing up and stepping out into their own lives, and my job security is not quite as solid as it has been for the last 15-20 years. In amongst all this, I'm trying to pivot into becoming a solopreneur in uncharted territory. Everything seems a little out of control, and I find myself asking - what's my purpose?
Does any of this sound familiar?
When the previous incarnation of my job ended, I stayed with the same charitable Trust. I was promised three years of employment while we determined the Trust’s next steps. Those three years end in February 2025. While I might not be out of a job immediately, the end of that promise is looming ever larger. Incidentally, the house we call our home is also tied into it. The Trust’s dwindling financial resources are becoming more evident.
Meanwhile, my wife, who’s always been seen as the “mothering” type, was at a crossroads when her previous job ended. After some soul searching and a lot of prayer - we are a family of faith - she decided to retrain as a midwife. Five years later, disrupted by COVID, she’s about to graduate. I’m incredibly proud of her, but it also makes me reflect on my journey and what's next for me?
Our kids are growing up fast. My 15-year-old is doing his GCSEs, my 16-year-old (17 in the next few weeks) is at college trying to figure out his next steps, and my 18-year-old daughter has pretty much left home and is studying to do youth work while on placement with a youth-focused charity. Their (growing) independence is a double-edged sword for me - pride mixed with a sense of loss as my role as their primary provider and protector changes.
My daily routine is far from monotonous, but finding the motivation to get things done can be challenging. The work I'm presently doing is good and is so worthwhile, but procrastination is always lurking. Balancing my full-time job with building a YouTube channel and trying to make money from my writing is more complex than expected. I'm grateful the Trust gives me time to work on these entrepreneurial endeavours. Still, I sometimes feel guilty and wonder whether I could be working at a greater pace.
Hobbies? Well, I don’t have many. Mostly, I enjoy reading and watching TV. But these days, I don't find myself with much excitement for even those simple pleasures.
Right now, I’m a mixed bag of emotions. There’s a sense of excitement about the future despite its unknowns, and I have faith that things will work out. I'll admit to feeling anxious, but it doesn’t overwhelm me. I’m aware of it and like to think I'm keeping it in check. The most challenging part of my life right now is letting go of my kids as they gain independence. I’m struggling more with this than I thought I would - I feel very emotionally underprepared, almost like I never saw it coming!
As mentioned, I’m trying to build a YouTube channel and grow a newsletter subscriber base (the very Substack article you are reading). I also want to do more videography/filmmaking. The idea of making a decent living doing something I love is thrilling. However, the fear of failure is always there. I haven’t sought professional advice or mentorship, but I probably need to seek out this to help me through the coming season.
I haven't let all these things wash over me without taking steps to cope with the stress and the changes. I lean heavily on my faith. I pray and read the Bible regularly. Recently, I’ve also taken up running again. It’s a great way to clear my mind and keep the anxiety at bay.
My support system isn’t massive, but I have a few close friends and family members I can talk to. Truth be told, I’m not much of a people person, so my circle is small. My relationship with my wife is as strong as it has ever been, but she’s clearly tired and stressed as she completes her placements and dissertation. This has, and does, put a strain on any time we manage to have together.
Despite all that I have written, I’ve set ambitious goals. I want to create online courses and products that generate passive income. My stretch goal is to be able to retire in 10 years, not to stop working, but to focus entirely on writing and content creation. I recognise this will be seen as unlikely, but what's the point of a 'stretch goal' if you can't dream a little? I envision a fulfilling life where I can commit to making online content full-time and have a viable business filming and editing for others.
If you are in a similar emotional place to me, then maybe the following advice which I have gathered together might help you:
Reevaluate What Matters: Take a moment to think about what truly matters to you. What do you enjoy? What brings you happiness? Setting new goals, trying new hobbies, or returning to old ones can give you a fresh sense of purpose.
Talk About It: Sharing your feelings with your spouse, friends, or even someone with a more professional moniker can make a big difference. Opening up helps you feel less alone and gives you a new perspective.
Embrace the Changes: Instead of fighting the changes, see them as opportunities. Find new ways to connect with your grown-up kids. Support your spouse’s achievements. Change can be a good thing if you choose to look at it positively.
Take Care of Yourself: Physical health is tied to mental well-being. This is a well-known fact supported by many who know about these things. Regular exercise, eating right, and getting enough sleep can boost your mood and energy levels. Taking care of your body helps you face challenges head-on.
Rediscover Your Purpose: This is probably the most crucial point. Take the opportunity that all this questioning gives you. Look at your life choices and make changes that align more closely with what you truly value. This process, while challenging, can be massively enriching.
A mid-life crisis isn’t the end of the road. There's a clue in the use of the word 'mid'. Think of it as a journey to the top of the hill; you can now see for miles, and with careful consideration, you can find the path ahead before heading back down.
It’s an opportunity to reset, explore new passions, and reconnect with others. Maybe embrace the chaos, find humour in it and rely more heavily on that which gives you a purpose - for me, that's my faith and my family (even if that family dynamic is changing).
Something that is in the middle is not the end. It’s potentially a time to set a new direction and a chance to write a more fulfilling next chapter of your life.
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